24 - People-Pleasing: Why You Do It And How To Do It Less

In This Episode:
Annaliese and Alan unpack the common habit of people-pleasing, something so many of us do without realizing it. Annaliese highlights that even though we don't notice it sometimes, recognizing when we fall into this pattern and understanding its impact can guide us towards living more authentically and get better results personally, professionally, and socially.

You’ll Hear About:
- Unconscious Merging: People-pleasing shows up when we blend in with others without thinking, putting a strain on our connections because we're losing ourselves. By recognizing when we're doing it and how it feels when we do, we can start choosing to be our true selves more.

- Awareness of Your Actions and Feelings: Paying attention to how we act when we're people-pleasing and the feelings that come with it is a game-changer. This awareness gives you the power to make different choices, steering away from fake interactions and towards more genuine connections based on who you really are, and who they really are too.

- Not Actually Helpful: Contrary to what we might think, people-pleasing doesn't actually help others because it's not real! It's making guesses about what others want without actually knowing.

- Not Feeling Like Enough: If you ever feel like you're just not measuring up, notice what you're basing that on. It's usually a sign of people-pleasing. Choosing to reevaluate how you make decisions and focusing on what truly matters to you can help you break free from this cycle.

Resources:
- www.linktree.com/coachannaliese: Have a laid-back chat with Annaliese for free. This easygoing conversation will give you valuable insights and help you figure things to get more of the results you want in your life. No obligations. You might only need this one call! Encourage yourself to live authentically.

- WHY DO WE PEOPLE-PLEASE?
  - Solve problems, troubleshoot, protect ourselves, prepare
  - Want to help, avoid upsetting others, fit in, and feel a sense of belonging
  - It just feels normal and we think it keeps things calm.

- WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
  - Consistently downplaying yourself and putting others first based on assuming what they're thinking.
  - Denying yourself the freedom to choose your own path and use your own voice (something you'd encourage for others).

- HOW TO STOP PEOPLE-PLEASING:
  - Question it. Break the cycle by asking yourself:
      - Am I treating myself as well as I treat others?
      - Am I taking charge of my life or letting others dictate it?
      - Am I staying true to my values and letting myself be genuine with others?
      - Am I excluding or disqualifying myself by always people-pleasing?
      - Remind yourself: "I’m not actually keeping the peace if there’s no peace inside of me."